An Open Letter To My Future Boyfriend

To my future boyfriend,

Hi. This is me. The guy you've been looking for. I know what you're thinking: He's far more hot than I thought he'd be." Thanks. If you're anything like you look in my dreams, we're going to look really good together. Just a couple things about me until we meet. I'll be brief...

You’re probably unaware of this, but I’m a little annoyed with you. You’re taking an awfully long time finding me and I’d really like to speed up the process and start dating you while I’ve still got a decent head of hair.

I don’t drink anymore. I used to, but I stopped to help me quit smoking and both have unexpectedly, and quite happily, stuck. However, I’m far more fun sober than I ever was drunk, so it’s actually a good thing.

I am passionate about fitness. Not fanatical, mind you, but passionate. I believe that fitness is important.

Whether it be what you eat, or how much physical activity you get, fitness should factor into your life in some way. I’m not saying you have to lift weights and I’m not saying you have to go to the gym everyday and I’m not saying you can’t eat dessert. But there are plenty of fun activities to stay active and enough days in the week to relax AND workout and plenty of amazing foods that aren’t just salad. Everything in moderation.

I am a Madonna fan. A rather big Madonna fan. Not the kind of Madonna fan who has a website devoted to her or who’s Twitter profile is nothing but Madonna updates or who can’t appreciate other artist’s music, but still – a pretty big fan. I’m not saying YOU have to love her, just understand that I’ll listen to her quite frequently and often spend an inordinate amount of time talking about things she’s doing.

(I am on the left, reaching out to her, filled with complete joy. No, it's not photoshopped.)

I’ve been described as “Categorized, Alphabetized, Color-Coded and Cross-Referenced.”

I tend to ramble, but I’ll eventually get back to the point I was trying to make. Either way, you won’t be bored during the story, I promise.

I am more a fan of summer than I am of winter. Summertime means tanktops and endless daylight and swimming and beaches and rooftops and starry nights and outdoor movies and baseball season and soft-served ice cream cones with rainbow jimmies (Philadelphia slang for sprinkles). Eventually, one day in the future after I retire, maybe before, I’ll want to live someplace where it’s warm all year round in a house close to the beach so I can smell salt air and hear the crashing ocean waves as I read a book before bedtime. You shouldn’t have any plans to live out your days in a cold environment.

Have you read The Chronicles of Narnia? I’m wondering what you envisioned Turkish Delight was when the White Witch gave it to Edmund. I had always thought it was like fudge and was greatly disappointed to learn it was more like jelly.

Speaking of the White Witch: I now take photos of myself napping in museums like Tilda Swinton at MoMa.

I have a vast knowledge of pop culture references.

I sad-cry at movies (that Meg Ryan/Andy Garcia movie “When A Man Loves A Woman” gets me EVERY time) and sometimes if a movie is really funny (like Bridesmaids) I’ll laugh so hard I happy-cry. Emotions are good. Don’t be a robot.

I’ve done a lot of work on “me,” i.e. I’m happy with my life and happy with who I am and enjoy having a peaceful and calm existence. I’m not saying you and I won’t ever disagree, but I’m not really into drama. There are plenty of guys out there who seek that out. I am not one of them. Save the drama for Broadway.

This I know for a fact: When all is said and done, satisfaction is up to me.

If anyone asks me what my dream career is I tell them it would be to have a career like Lena Dunham currently has.

I have a knack for running into celebrities all the time. Usually everywhere I go. I’ve got a great Scott Speedman story. I’ll tell it to you sometime over coffee.

#FelicityForever

I love coffee like a Gilmore Girl.

Back in High School, I dislocated my right shoulder while stealing second base. I had only gotten to first base because the pitcher hit me with the ball and since I’d never stolen a base before, I slid the only way I knew how: head-first, like Madonna did in “A League of Their Own.” And though I was SAFE at second base, that day successfully ended my brief run in baseball.

But I am still an athlete: I currently play on the Gotham Volleyball league and I’m developing a pretty decent overhand serve.

Though many people widely use them now, I like to take credit for coining the terms “gymspiration” (gym inspiration, duh) and “heavage” (male pecs).

I was a film major/photography minor in college. Meaning: I’m currently writing a screenplay (very slowly) and I can take a damn good photo of you for Facebook.

I have an unhealthy obsession with doughnuts.

I am a fan of impromptu dance breaks. Whether they happen on a sidewalk, in a grocery store aisle or just in my apartment while cooking dinner (yes, I enjoy cooking), I like to dance and be silly. Life is too short to take things too seriously.

If you’d like to get more background on me, you can find me on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and LinkedIn.

Please let me know when you’ve got this. I can be reached at stefanmreczko@yahoo.com. Yes, I still use Yahoo mail. I’m old-school like that.

Oh, and lastly, this is the last time you ever get to be late in our relationship. I expect promptness from here on out.

Waiting, for you, just waiting…

-Stefan

p.s. the "Waiting, for you, just waiting…" are lyrics from a Madonna song. See how clever I am!