Has it been over a year already?

True Blood's Joe Manganiello has great heavage

Unbelievably, the last time I posted something about my clean living challenge was after six months of success. It has now been officially 1-year and 2 & 1/2 months of success.

So much has happened in that time: I started dating someone, I've recovered (almost completely) from throwing out my back, I gave my apartment a "grown-up" look and Madonna has come out with a new album. But most importantly I remain cigarette and alcohol free.

When I last posted the sun was setting and the days were getting shorter. Now it is the opposite. The days are continually growing longer and the weather is getting warmer and we approach yet another of my birthdays. And my birthdays always make me think how this whole crazy life changing ordeal got started. For had it not been getting another year older, I might not have contemplated trying to feel and look the very best I could and I wouldn't have extended my clean living challenge for 3+ months. Basically, I thought after one month of clean living I would be able to achieve a better body. After one month and that not happening, I thought maybe I could do it in 3 months, and so forth...

But all was not for naught!
I did learn something from this whole crazy "experiment" or whatever it is I'm calling it today. I would have never been able to accomplish this feat had I gone into it thinking I would not smoke or drink ever again for the rest of my life. It would be too impossible. The mere thought of it right now sends a wave of panic through my body. Essentially, that's what I'm doing, but I never would have thought I could. I took it one day at a time, I planned for one month and during the first month I felt I could go longer so I extended it to three and when three came around I knew I could go longer so I tried for a year. And now that I've passed a year I know I can do anything I put my mind to.

I say all that with the admission that it was not nor does it continue to be easy. Every day of every month over the last one year and 2 & 1/2 months I have thought about not smoking and not drinking. In some way or form I am always reminded of the fact. Some days it is easy and some days it is unbelievably difficult. 

Often times I am confronted with an event in life that I used to do while smoking and drinking. A wedding, going to a summer house on the beach, a friend's birthday celebration, a housewarming, a holiday of some sort -- New Years Eve for crying out loud! I never imagined before March 2011 that participating in any of those events would ever require patience and restraint and courage.

I have been asked if I was an alcoholic. I certainly didn't think I was when I was drinking. I really enjoyed going out and socializing and having fun and that usually involved having a few drinks. Sometimes those few drinks would cascade into several drinks and a bad hangover and the desire to never drink ever again. But after a few days, those thoughts would usually dissipate and I would find myself back out on the scene to do it all over again. Did I drink too much sometimes? Probably. Should I have not drank so much or so often? Probably. Does that make me an alcoholic? Well, if it does, then there are an awful lot of alcoholics living in Manhattan.

But to me it wasn't about fixing my drinking behavior, it was about fixing my life in general. (Or at least trying to fix my life). I saw myself getting older and felt the need to put myself on a better path. The catalyst was my health (smoking and drinking a lot tend to take a toll on your body after awhile, especially if you party hard and then try to make it perform monstrous workouts in the gym the very next day) but the motivation to continue was my future.

And heavage. Don't forget about the heavage. Besides everything else, the one thing I want most in life is HEAVAGE. Big, huge, overflowing pectoral muscles. Male cleavage, if you will. A big D-cup sized man-boobs. The kind of chest on guys like Joe Manganiello, Kellan Lutz, Chris Hemsworth, Chris Evans, Hugh Jackman and pretty much any male model out there.

My lack of a good chest is what started my obsession with working out in the first place. We had gotten our photos back from Woodstock '99, where it was so damn hot you work sneakers and shorts and nothing else (except for those mud people who were completely naked and covered head to toe in mud, which was of course also part poop since the port-o-potties had overflowed and mixed with the mud, but I digress...). And when I looked at the photos I noticed how absolutely hideously skinny and non-muscled I was. Standing next to me was my friend whose chest was bigger and bulbous and far more beautiful than mine. I had to have that kind of chest. I MUST HAVE THAT KIND OF CHEST. I purchased a gym membership the following week. I would attain a great chest! I would do it by Halloween and be a Chippendales dancer for my costume!

Needless to say, almost 13-years later, I have yet to be able to pull-off the Chippendales costume. My proper heavage continues to elude me. And proves to be an obsession that fuels my clean living.

So here I am, quickly approaching my 37th birthday. I had thought that by now I would have the body of a Men's Health cover model. Though I feel I've made some improvements with my physique, I have yet to achieve cover model status. My quest continues. Until I have overflowing heavage I shall not stop. I probably won't stop after I get the heavage I want, but it's good to have a goal. The no smoking and no drinking continues and I feel I am better off without it. For now. If I do decided to go back to it one day in the future it's comforting to know it'll still be there waiting for me. For now I continue just taking it one day at a time.