It’s the start of a brand new year and along with that comes
the usual glut of endless resolutions. Everybody wants to try to make life
better. Always. It’s a never-ending quest to make ourselves as happy as we can
possibly be. And of course, there’s nothing wrong with that. Goodness knows I’m
certainly guilty of trying to have the least difficult life I can have.
Usually people are focused on getting more fit, getting a
new job, finding that special someone, learning a new skill, taking a trip, or
even something as simple as finding time in a busy schedule to have a moment of
quiet.
But whatever the resolution, everybody’s goal is the same:
to feel better about their life. Because nobody wants to feel like they’re not
having the most amazing life. I mean, just look at Instagram! My life cannot
compare to the amazing life that some of these people apparently have. There
are people who have more muscles or make more money or have the best boyfriend
or are more skilled or more traveled or more present in their lives than I
could ever hope to be.
The most recent time I encountered those feelings of “life
inadequacy” was this past New Years Eve.
Unlike most people, I stayed home all by myself on New Years
Eve. Which was not an easy decision for me. I had an enormous emotional hurdle
to jump over in order to feel okay with my decision and not have a meltdown
when the Ball dropped at midnight and I was left staring at the television with
nary a person to hug or kiss. Because on New Years Eve we’re not supposed to be
alone. We’re programmed to think we should be out having the most fantastic
night of our lives. If we aren’t kissing a special someone at the most fabulous
party of the year while wearing the most gorgeous outfit, we CLEARLY aren’t
starting the New Year off right. Right?!
Truth be told, I’ve always wanted to just stay home on New
Years but I’ve been too desperate and self-conscious to do it. For about 25
years, I dragged myself out to party after party, always in the utter freezing
cold, always to some over-crowded, over-priced bar or club, always with the
hope that THIS will be the year that I FINALLY have the best New Years EVER!
Looking back, there has not been one amazing New Years Eve.
Well, maybe the one that I spent at NYC’s old club LIMELIGHT when Crystal
Water’s performed and sang 100% Pure Love about five times… OR maybe the time I
saw Janet Jackson perform at Madison Square Garden and my friend and I almost
got trampled in Penn Station trying to take the Long Island Railroad back to my
alma mater where the dorms were absolutely freezing because everyone was on
holiday break and the heat in all the rooms was shut off… Or that one year
where I got a little too drunk and lost my keys and had to call a locksmith on
New Years Day and it cost me 300 bucks to change my locks so I could get into
my apartment…
Ahh, so many wonderful New Years memories.
But this past year, after going to the gym, and after seeing
a movie, and making delicious stuffed peppers for myself, I proceeded to watch Anderson
Cooper and Kathy Griffin on mute while I listened to brand new Madonna music
and surfed the internet in nothing but a pair of shorts and a tanktop, I was
actually happy. Finally, after so many years, I was spending New Years the way
I had always wanted to.
And maybe it would have been better with a special guy to
kiss at midnight and fall asleep with at 12:15am (which is when I went to bed),
but just because I didn’t have that doesn’t mean the evening was a bust.
Because I refuse to spend my days thinking that my life is not complete unless
I have a boyfriend. That’s poppycock.
I think therein lies the trick to achieving success in our
New Years resolutions: don’t expect perfection. It’s absolutely fine to want to
better ourselves. I mean, if we aren’t striving to always be a better person or
live a better life then why are we all here? But we shouldn’t beat ourselves up
simply because things didn’t happen the way they’re “supposed” to happen, or
because life doesn’t look the way we thought it would.
Sometimes our muscles aren’t as big as we want them to be.
Sometimes we work at a job that isn’t what we dreamed we’d spend out time
doing. Sometimes we aren’t in a relationship. Sometimes we aren’t picking up
that new skill fast enough. Sometimes we can’t get the money or time off to
travel. Sometimes we can’t find a moment’s peace in the chaos of the city. And that’s
all okay.
My New Years resolution is to be as glass half-full as
possible. To keep striving to achieve my goals. To appreciate the stillness and
quiet. To be creative. To be hopeful. To see the beauty in the mundane.
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